Lie Detector: Vengeance
by petalled
Summary: Sequel to Lie Detector. Une, Heero and Relena team up and plot revenge. How will Zechs fare once he's the one strapped to the lie detector? One-shot.


**Lie Detector: Vengeance**

**By mistress amethyst une**

_A lie is a very poor substitute for the truth but the only one discovered up to date._

_**-From The Foolish Dictionary by Gideon Wurdz**_

"Let's talk," said Une, "About your lie detector test..."

Une had called Heero up to the testing room where his lie detector test had been conducted two months ago courtesy of Zechs. It was an awful event he sincerely wished to put behind him. The only good thing that had sprung from the experience was that he was now closer to Relena having been forced to admit his love for her via electrical torture.

"What about it?" replied Heero.

"We're going to have to do another one."

"Another one?"

"Yes, that's why we're in the testing room."

"Ok..."

"Actually, this is going to be a dual test."

"Dual?"

"You and Zechs will be taking the test together."

"Huh?"

"We recently acquired a second machine."

"Is that what's under that sheet?"

The room was the same stark white and the same electric shock inducing lie detector still lay there bolted to the floor. The curious machine had a metal ring linked by wire to the main machine which sent electricity through the person being tested whenever he or she was less than honest. It had a keypad that locked the ring onto the person's thumb and the correct code had to be punched in by the tester before the person could be released. It also featured two bulbs: a green one for truth and a red one for lies. They lit up according to the answers of the individual being tested.

"Yes," replied Une as she took the sheet off to reveal an identical machine, "Zechs is so careless. One of the Preventers working overtime saw him breaking into my office. He crashed my computer."

"I know," said Heero, "I apologize for not telling you."

"It's alright. I wouldn't have believed you. It's no secret how you and Zechs resent each other. Anyway, he gave me back-up files to remedy the system crash. I did him a favor in return. A favor that involved you..."

"Yes, I know very well."

"Now, here's the deal. He crashed my system and tricked me. I don't like to be tricked."

"So what do you have planned?"

"I'm going to have some fun."

"Fun?"

"Fun."

"How?"

"Two lie detectors. One works, one's rigged to always say you're telling the truth. Let the fun begin..."

* * *

Relena had a nervous smile on her face.

"So you want my help to take down Milliardo?"

"Yes, any problem with that?" asked Une.

"Well, I don't really know. He was the one who brought me and Heero together."

"He tortured Heero. You do know that?"

"Well, yes. That was wrong of him."

"He lied to me. He snuck into my office, crashed my computer than fixed it with his back-up files and asked me for a favor in return."

"Favor?"

"I was the one who permitted the lie detector test. In a sense, I also brought you and Heero together."

"I guess I owe you."

"Yes, you do."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Lie."

**

* * *

Zechs nervously sat with the metal lie detector ring securely attached to his thumb. Beside him, hooked up to a second lie detector, was Heero.**

"We'll be questioning you," Une told Zechs and Heero as Relena walked in.

"Wait," said Zechs, "Why is Heero taking a re-test? And why is my sister here?"

"Don't question my methods," stated Une, "Let's begin. Miss Relena, ask the first five questions."

"Alright," said Relena with a sly smile as she turned to Heero, "Was the sex we had last week any good?"

"It was perfect," he replied.

"Green," stated Une as the green bulb on the machine lit up, "That's the truth, Relena. If the red one lights up, he's lying and will be zapped with electricity."

Zechs was visibly pissed, "What the hell! You had sex with-"

"Please keep quiet until your turn," interrupted Une, "If you don't, I'll be forced to demote you."

Zechs immediately shut up. He outranked Heero and if he was demoted, the accursed boy would surely lord it over him. Still, the outrage was visible on his face. He had respected Heero on the battlefield as a foe but they were no longer fighting with Gundams. All respect was gone now...

"I'm going to cut his balls off," thought Zechs to himself, "Very slowly..."

Relena asked her next question, "And do you think I'm sexy?"

"Of course," replied Heero smugly.

"Green," stated Une.

More mad thoughts ran through Zechs' head, "I'll pour acid on his groin while I cut off his balls. Very, very slowly..."

"Question three," said Relena in an uncharacteristically flirty voice, "Do you like kissing me?"

"Yes," replied Heero with a smirk.

He turned to look at Zechs before adding, "Very much."

"Green," stated Une yet again, "Do you ever lie?"

"Sometimes," he answered, "But not when it comes to my girl."

"His girl?" thought Zechs, "Relena isn't his girl! She's mine! My little sister princess!"

"Alright, Heero," said Relena with the cutest smile she could muster, "Remember our first time?"

"Two months ago," said Heero with a sick grin, "In your brother's office while he was away on business. That was really good."

"MY OFFICE!" bellowed Zechs in rage as he rose from his seat and nearly snapped off the wire that linked him to the lie detector.

"SIT DOWN, ZECHS!" yelled Une, "Break that machine and I swear I'll personally castrate you!"

She then took a breath and said, "Green, you have one question left to ask."

Relena smiled cheekily and said, "I'm pregnant. The results just came back yesterday. Do you still love me?"

"More than anything," said Heero with an evil grimace that made Zechs cringe, "I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl."

"Green," stated Une.

Zechs begin to think wicked thoughts again. His little sister princess was deflowered and pregnant. Heero wasn't just going to lose his balls. He was going to lose his legs, arms and head. Zechs mulled over how slowly he'd saw those skinny legs off before breaking those arms and snapping them like twigs. He was going to cut off that arrogant big head with a rusty kitchen knife. He was then going to stuff those body parts in a metal barrel full of cement and toss it into the most polluted river in the vicinity. Heero was going to meet a fate worse than death at his hands...

"Your turn, Zechs," stated Une, "Five questions for you. I'll be asking and Relena will confirm if you're lying or not. Remember, if you lie, a powerful electric shock will hit you via that metal thumb ring linking you to the machine."

"Just ask," gritted Zechs as he struggled to keep his anger in check.

"Alright," began Une, "Do you hate me?"

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"Hell, yeah."

"Green," said Relena, "You really shouldn't speak that way to your superior, Milliardo."

"Shut up," he told her, "You were so pure. Now, I discover you've been whoring around with that piece of shit!"

"So harsh, Zechs," said Une with a sly smile, "The two of them love each other after all. Anyway, do you hate Heero?"

"Definitely," he said in a harsh tone, "Heero, I challenge you to a fight later. I swear I'll break that scrawny little neck of yours!"

"Give it up," replied Heero arrogantly, "You couldn't beat me when Epyon went against Zero. You can't beat me now."

"Green," said Relena, "On both lie detectors."

Une continued smiling her evil smile, "What do you want to do now?"

"I'd really like to kill you all!"

Relena gasped, "Even me?"

"Even you!"

"Red," said Relena as Zechs was zapped, "I knew you didn't mean it."

Zechs was reeling from the pain of the shock to his thumb, "I'd still love to kill Heero though."

"Green," said Relena, "It's a good thing my man can handle himself in a fight. Isn't that right, Heero?"

"I'd kick your brother's ass any day."

"Green on Heero's side," said Une, "Fourth question. How do you intend to kill Heero? Hypothetically speaking."

"Violently," he replied, "Preferably with a rusty ax, a chain saw, a razor, some duct tape, an old car, a metal barrel full of cement and a highly polluted river."

"How?"

"I'll bind him with duct tape," he said in a crazed tone of joy, "Then I'll cut his balls off with a razor in the slowest and most painful manner possible. Then I'll cut off his limbs one by one with a chainsaw before striking his neck with a rusty ax making sure not to go all the way through so he lives. I'll then put him and his severed limbs in a metal barrel and drown him in cement before loading the barrel into an old car and pushing it into a highly polluted river so he's never seen or heard from again."

"That's..." said Une, "Very creative..."

"Green," said Relena, "That's really sick..."

Heero still wore the same stoic expression but had visibly gone pale. So this was how Zechs was when his anger was at its zenith...

Relena turned to Une and whispered, "I don't want to do this anymore. Milliardo's really angry. It was fun at first but- I feel so out of character! This isn't me."

"It'll be over soon," Une whispered back, "We just need to finish the allotted twenty questions each. There's no turning back now."

"What are you two whispering about?" asked Zechs.

Relena immediately snapped back into her role of the disappointing traitorous little sister who had given herself to her big brother's arch nemesis, "Nothing. I was just asking Une when you lost your virginity."

"What?"

"Tsk, tsk... You lost it at eighteen. I guess I beat you since I lost it at seventeen."

Relena heaved an inward sigh. Noin had slipped her that tidbit of info. She never thought it would come in handy.

"What is wrong with you, Relena?" growled Zechs, "You don't talk or act like this!"

"I guess you really don't know me," she replied in a highly uncharacteristic bitchy tone.

Relena was growing incredibly tense. Thank goodness she'd taken those acting lessons in school...

"Fifth question," said Une, "After this, I'll be asking Heero another set of five then Relena will question you."

"Just get on with it!"

"Back at Lake Victoria, when we were still students, I had a pet tarantula. Remember?"

"Uh... Yes?"

"Did you or did you not kill it?"

"No."

"Red," said Relena as her brother was promptly hit with electricity.

"Why did you kill Tara?" asked Une.

"Tara?"

"That was her name!"

"Oh... It was Noin's idea!"

"Red," said Relena, "Stop lying, Milliardo."

Zechs was in great pain now, "Alright I did it! I hate spiders and that thing tried to eat my face!"

"Did not!" insisted Une.

"Then why was it in my helmet?"

"It liked dark places! You're getting a pay cut!"

"For what?"

"For murder!" she said with an almost dramatic flourish.

Zechs rolled his eyes, "It was just a spider. At least you don't have a sister who slept with the enemy! Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"I need to pee."

"Red," said Relena, "No, you don't. If you did, the electricity would probably have made you wet yourself by now. Problem solved."

"I hate you," he stated, "I hate you all."

"Red," said Relena, "Not that it matters. You could never hate me, Milliardo. I'm your baby sister."

She then quickly whispered to Une, "If my brother never talks to me again, you're responsible. I don't want him to hate me."

Une sighed, "I'll be questioning you now, Heero. Five questions again. Ready?"

"Ready."

"Do you think you're better than Zechs?"

"I **am **better. There's no doubt about that. For one thing, I look better than that dinosaur. At least I don't have hair like a girl."

"Lay off the hair!" yelled Zechs, "Women like it."

"I never did," said Une.

"You were never a woman."

"And you **are **a woman so shut up!"

Zechs began to brood. This was just a nightmare. He had to wake up some time, right?

"Next question," said Une, "Do you, unlike Zechs, like me?"

"Yes," replied Heero, "You're very pretty."

"Green," stated Relena, "Isn't that nice, Une? You really are pretty!"

"Of course I am."

"There's proof!" exclaimed Zechs, "Heero's machine is rigged! Une is not pretty!"

"Green," said Relena, "Uh oh..."

"That's your opinion," said Une, "Another pay cut."

"For what?" asked Zechs.

"Insulting a superior!"

Relena cleared her throat, "Third question?"

"Oh, right," said Une as she turned to Heero once more, "Do you think Zechs is gay?"

"No. Miss Noin is proof he isn't. But he is vain. I once saw him using a hair iron."

"Green," said Relena, "Want to borrow my make-up, Milliardo?"

"I needed to straighten it!" said Zechs, "I couldn't come to work with my hair a mess. That's hardly proof of vanity."

"You used to shave your legs during our OZ days," said Une.

"Because we had to wear those shorts for training exercises. Shaving smoothed and streamlined my legs. It helped me run faster."

"Right..."

"Go ahead. Believe what you want. I am not vain!"

"Question four. Is Zechs annoying you as much as he's annoying me?"

"If you currently want to scalp him and sell his prized hair on eBay as 'Wig of man who wanted to blow up Earth with giant Libra cannon,' then yes."

"Green," said Relena, "That was a good one, Heero."

"Thanks."

"Final question before Relena begins asking Zechs," said Une, "How was your wedding at Vegas?"

"WEDDING AT VEGAS!" yelled Zechs in outrage, "You married my sister in that undignified manner!"

Une ignored Zechs, "So how was it, Heero?"

"Drive-thru wedding," he replied, "We got pretty wasted that time. The motel had a soft bed though."

"MOTEL!"

Zechs was pretty red in the face now.

"Motel," said Heero, "It's short for motorist's hotel. You know those places where hookers-"

"You idiot! I know what a motel is! You debauched my sister in that kind of place! When I get out of this chair and unhooked from this damn machine, I'm gonna-"

"That's enough, Milliardo," said Relena, "I liked the motel. It was thrilling."

"Thrilling! I'll give you thrilling! Heero getting his balls chewed off by wild skunks is thrilling! A motel isn't!"

"Wild skunks?" said Heero, "Aren't they herbivores?"

"I don't really know. The Discovery Channel said- Wait! Stop changing the subject! This isn't about skunks! This is about me killing you!"

"Milliardo, keep quiet," said Relena, "It's my turn to ask you five questions."

"How many questions are you going to ask us anyway?"

"Twenty each," replied Une, "Heero already finished ten. You've only answered five."

"First question," said Relena, "Do you really hate me?"

Zechs was bursting to say yes, "No, I could never hate you. Not my little sister princess."

"Green," said Une.

"Really?" asked Relena incredulously.

"Of course," said Zechs, "I still remember when you were two and took your first steps and tripped. Then when you learned your first word, you said my name. It was really cute, you pronounced it Mee-lee-ar-doo but I didn't care. Before that you kept calling me Mi-mi."

"Aw, how touching," said Une sarcastically, "You want us to call you Mi-mi too? It's a perfect drag queen name."

"Don't ruin the brother-sister moment!"

"Was I really like that?" asked Relena.

"You were the cutest little princess. Of course that idiot pretty much ruined you. Why Relena? Why did you have sex with Heero? Why did you marry him? Do you want revenge on me for something I did? I brought you two together but you betrayed me."

Relena was being badgered by her conscience. Should she continue acting?

"I love Heero. I love him more than I love you."

"Why?"

"Because I- I just do! Sisterly love is different from passionate love!"

"Passionate?"

"Let's just move on to question two," she sighed, "I'm pregnant, remember? Would you accept me and Heero's child?"

"The kid will have Peacecraft blood. Why wouldn't I care for it? Never mind that it's tainted by Heero."

"Green," said Une.

"Pagan showed me an old picture of you when you were around six," said Relena, "Your hair was curly. Why do you insist on straightening it?"

"It looks better straight. Besides, I needed a new identity. Zechs Merquise has straight hair."

Relena rolled her eyes, "Vanity..."

"No, it was necessity."

"Red," said Une as Zechs promptly had a zap of electricity run through his thumb.

"It's vanity and you know it," said Relena as she observed the look of pain on her brother's face, "Why do you hate Heero?"

"I didn't hate him this much before. Now, my loathing has certainly grown. He deflowered, impregnated and married you in an undignified way. You're my little sister princess! You shouldn't wallow in mud!"

"Green," said Une.

"If you love me, you will learn to love Heero!" exclaimed Relena.

"Love him?" cringed Zechs, "Relena, I'm straight. If you're suggesting a weird orgy incest threesome-"

"No! Stupid! I'm not that degenerate! Just learn to get along?"

"Never!"

"Green," stated Une again, "They're never going to get along I guess."

"Final question," said Relena, "After this I'll be asking Heero and then Chief Une will question you again."

"Just ask the damn question."

"Do you think you're better than Heero?"

"I'm ten times better than that **creature** you love so much. At least, I don't parade my ass around in spandex and wear stupid tank tops on the job."

"That's because your ass is saggy and there's no way you could pull off a tank top," said Heero.

"Actually, I beg to differ," said Une, "Zechs has a pretty tight ass. It's Noin's favorite thing to pinch. Although, I agree on the tank top matter. Zechs preferred showing off his man boobs by wearing tight shirts with torn sleeves back in our academy days. I really didn't see his appeal but the other female OZ officers did. "

Relena stifled a giggle, "I guess you two are tied in the looks department."

"No," said Une, "I think Heero looks better."

"Who's side are you on?" asked Zechs in an exasperated tone, "First, you say I was hot back in OZ then you say Heero's better?"

"Heero said I was pretty. You said I wasn't a woman. Gee, who should I side with?"

Zechs grumbled as Relena commenced her questioning of Heero.

"What do you think of my brother?"

"Your brother is nothing like you. He enjoys torturing innocent individuals like me."

"Green," said Une.

"Are you calling yourself innocent?" asked Zechs mockingly, "That's a laugh! You dirtied my sister with desire!"

"Was it my fault she desired me?" he said with a wicked smirk.

Zechs couldn't help but let loose a slightly primal growl. He was going to really hurt Heero.

"I'm going to feed that stupid boy's balls to a pack of ravenous wolves after I saw them off with a razor," he thought to himself, "Rabid wolves... Then I'll take his eyeballs out and soak them in vinegar. I'll cut out his annoying tongue and pull out his teeth one by one. Yes... Then I'll use my plan of violence except I'll stuff the barrel with poisonous snakes before drowning him in cement. Then I'll pour gasoline over everything and set the damn car on fire before I toss it in the river!"

Relena resumed her questioning, "Did you like the handcuffs?"

"Handcuffs?" interjected Zechs.

"Don't interrupt, Milliardo. So Heero, did you like the kinky handcuff sex?"

"Not really. I'm not a kinky person. But you make everything fun."

"Green," stated Une again.

"You sick bastard!" said Zechs angrily, "You had kinky sex with Relena!"

"She wanted it," said Heero with a tone of annoying indifference.

Relena once more whispered to Une, "For the record, I would never really ask for kinky sex or say any of these profane things. I'm just a really good actress."

"What are you two whispering about again?" asked Zechs.

Une answered this time, "About how big Noin said you were. Your girlfriend's not one to exaggerate and Relena was curious."

"What?"

"Noin said you were pretty big."

"Although," said Relena, "Comparing what Miss Noin said to what I've actually seen on Heero, Heero's more of a man than you, dear brother."

Zechs continued to let his anger simmer. This was a bad dream. A very bad dream...

"Third question," said Relena.

She was quite nervous about this question in particular. She sincerely wished her acting skills wouldn't fail her.

Slowly, she approached Heero and kissed him with as much passion and careless abandon as possible. Heero responded in kind. Just like they practiced...

"Did you like that?" she asked.

Heero seemed momentarily struck dumb but he immediately found his bearings and responded, "Of course. No one could kiss better than you."

"Green," said Une.

Zechs turned to his thoughts of violence again, "I'm going to pull off his fingernails and toenails one by one. Then I'll run a blowtorch over his hands and feet before sawing them off with the rustiest pocket knife I can find. I'll blowtorch his balls too before I cut them off with a rusty razor and give them to the wolves. Then I'll force him to drink acid before I cut out his tongue, pull his teeth out and proceed with my improved plan of violence."

"Question four," said Relena, "What do you think my brother's thinking?"

"He probably wants to cut my balls off," answered Heero.

"Green," said Une.

Zechs definitely wanted to cut Heero's balls off. He wanted to perform unspeakable acts of violence on Heero. How could they kiss like that in front of him?

"Please let this all be a nightmare," thought Zechs to himself.

"Final question for now," said Relena, "Why do you consider yourself superior to my brother?"

"Because I look, act and perform duties better."

"Look better?" interrupted Zechs, "Your hair's a constant mess and your fashion sense sucks since you wear the same type of green tank top and spandex to work everyday. When it's cold, you wear pants but you still wear that damn tank top with the Preventer jacket. And you don't act better! You're a ruffian! You probably wouldn't survive high society! And duties! I outrank you! I'm definitely superior!"

Heero sighed, "You really have a grudge against the tank top, don't you? It's my style Zechs so lay off. As for the messy hair, it's the rugged look. Your sister likes it."

Zechs cringed as Heero continued, "And I'm hardly a ruffian. When I attended St. Gabriel Institute with Relena, I was an expert at fencing and horseback riding, both gentlemen's sports. I have excellent manners and I can dance a perfect waltz. I would probably fare better in high society than you. Just ask your sister."

Zechs glared at Heero who continued his tirade, "Finally, you only outrank me because you have more formal experience and you're older. If I had your past military affiliation, I'd outrank you. Remember, I beat you in battle."

Zechs looked ready to boil over than he smiled psychotically, "You honestly think you're better? That arrogance will be the end of you. And yes, I have a grudge against the tank top. It looks stupid on you."

"Only because you and your belly could never fit in one."

"I have a washboard stomach, for your information. I could wear a tank top if I wanted."

"But you can't."

"I'm sorry. I'm not someone who believes in wearing the same thing everyday unless it's a uniform. Forgive me for having a proper wardrobe."

"I guess that's two Peacecrafts who are unable to wear tight clothing. One of them can't wear it at present because he's gotten tubby and the other because she's carrying my child. If I hadn't known any better, I'd say you're both female. The only difference is Relena's a pregnant woman I love and you're her sick brother who acts like a fussy menopausal old lady I'd love to beat off with a stick."

Une loudly cleared her throat, "I'll be asking you five questions now Zechs. Then I'll ask Heero his final five questions then Relena will ask you your final five."

"Let's just finish so I can enact my plan of violence on Heero," said Zechs.

"I guess that'll be my first question then," said Une, "What is your current plan of violence?"

"I'm going to pull off each of his fingernails and toenails one by one after I pry them up with the sharpest paring knife I can find. Then I'll run a blowtorch over his hands and feet. Then I'll break all his burnt and bleeding fingers and toes before cutting them off painstakingly slow with the same rusty razor I'm going to use to slowly cut off his balls. I'll also pry his eyeballs out and soak them in vinegar. I'll cut out his annoying tongue and pull out his teeth one by one. I won't use the chainsaw and ax anymore since he'd lose too much blood and die too soon. I'll stuff his barely alive carcass in a metal barrel with a venomous snake and let the vile creature bite him before I drown them both in cement and put them in a car which I will set on fire and push into the most highly polluted river I can find so no one will ever find his body. Then I'll throw his eyes and balls to a pack of rabid wolves."

"I see... You have issues."

"I'm a really angry big brother."

"Green," said Relena.

She was nervous. She sincerely hoped Milliardo would calm down once it was all revealed that this was a trick. She would hate to see Heero die and she knew her brother was capable of the unspeakable acts he'd just stated.

"Question two," asked Une, "Would you still fulfill this plan of violence even if it made Relena unhappy?"

Zechs seemed to sigh and his eyes softened slightly, "Maybe I'd be less violent."

"Green," said Relena.

"You'd really kill the love of your sister's life and leave her unborn child fatherless?"

Zechs mused for a moment, "We could get a substitute father."

"Green," said Relena with growing apprehension.

"But the baby would want its real father. What are you going to do about that?"

"The kid isn't going to be spoiled. It can't have everything."

"Green," stated Relena as a lump began to form in her throat. She wanted to burst into tears out of fear.

Heero was visibly pale. Had they pushed Zechs too far?

"That's just not right," said Une who had seen the looks of terror on both Heero and Relena's faces, "It's evil. Relena would be very depressed... A lot of people die of depression. Would you really risk that?"

Zechs finally sighed, "Maybe I'll just rough Heero up a bit. The boy's not worth killing."

"Green," said Relena as she herself heaved a sigh of relief.

Heero sighed too. No, they hadn't pushed Zechs far enough. The session would continue. He and Une wanted complete revenge. Zechs getting angry and going nuts wasn't what they wanted. They only wanted to shock and humiliate him. Anything more would be really bad...

"Final five questions for you, Heero," said Une.

The relief on her face was visible. She had thought Zechs had finally snapped and was ready to commit mass murder...

"What do you think of Zechs now?"

"I think he's crazy. For one thing, he'd never be able to catch me."

"Green," said Relena.

Zechs smiled, "I'm going to look for a pack of rabid wolves to feed your balls too once I get out of here."

"Milliardo!" blurted Relena, "Do you want to kill me?"

"Sorry," he replied as he breathed deeply, "I must calm down. This is only a nightmare..."

"Why do you think that?" asked Une as she continued questioning Heero.

"The only way he could catch me is if he put me to sleep with of his boring speeches. Adonis was killed by a boar. I'll be killed off by Zechs, the biggest bore of all."

"Green," said Relena, "Nice pun."

"My speeches are not boring!" said Zechs.

"Oh yes, they are," said Une.

"Not as boring as your OZ briefings were."

"Soldiers who yawned at me were shot during my OZ briefings. My briefings weren't boring!"

"They were scary for the cadets. They were boring for me. It was just your show of power and the bullets you fired were tranquilizers. They caused bruises and knocked the target out but were non-lethal. You shot them to sleep because you knew they'd fall asleep out of boredom and that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?"

"Just shut up!"

"You are boring, Zechs," interrupted Heero, "That's probably why you keep your hair so long. To hide your eyes when you bore yourself to sleep."

Zechs opened his mouth but decided against it and just smiled his psychotic smile which made Heero a tad uneasy.

"Question three," said Une, "How did you like the hotel room I got for you two last night?"

"It was good. We had a lot of fun with the complimentary fruit," said Heero before adding a slight tone of innuendo, "We stuffed it up more than our mouths, if you get what I mean."

"Green," said Relena.

"I get what you mean!" said Zechs angrily, "I'm definitely going to look for an old car, cement and a metal barrel now."

"Milliardo!"

"Alright, I won't. But only for your sake, Relena..."

"Question four," said Une, "Do you have a plan of violence for Zechs?"

"No," replied Heero, "He's not worth it. Actually, I'm kind of flattered that he has a plan of violence against me. He must really consider me a threat to think of me that way."

"Green," said Relena.

"Don't think of yourself so highly," said Zechs, "I now realize you're not worth my effort of violence. When I kill you, it'll be quick, painless and completely unplanned. But I'll still-"

Relena's glare immediately changed his mind.

"Not kill you," he said as he begrudgingly finished his sentence through gritted teeth.

"Final question," said Une, "After this Relena will ask Zechs his final five questions and you'll both be free to go."

"Ask away."

"Do you think we're succeeding?"

"Of course," replied Heero smugly.

"Green," said Relena.

"Huh?"

Zechs was puzzled. What were they succeeding at?

"It's your turn now," said Relena, "After these five questions, it'll all be over."

"Alright," replied Zechs who was exceedingly confused.

"Do you really believe this is happening?" asked Relena.

"What?"

"Just answer."

"Yes."

"Green," stated Une with a smile.

"So you really think I'm pregnant?" asked Relena with a tone edged with disbelief.

"Huh?" Zechs was really bewildered, "Well, yes."

"Green," stated Une as her smile grew to Cheshire cat-like proportions.

"That's cruel," said Relena in a tone that sounded as if he'd slightly hurt her feelings, "Do you think I'm fat enough to fit the profile of a pregnant woman? I'm not that chubby. I mean, I know I'm cute and I have a healthful glow akin to an expectant mother's but, geez! Milliardo, how could you think that? You think your little sister is fat enough to be considered pregnant?"

"What?"

"Third question," continued Relena as if she had never even said a word of her previous statements, "Do you really think I had kinky sex with Heero?"

"Yes?"

"Green," said Une whose smile was now bordering on an expression of maniacal happiness.

"Wow, I'm a really good actress," said Relena as if to compliment herself.

"Wait a minute. You mean-"

"Four," said Relena as continued her line of questioning, "Do you honestly think I'd get wasted enough to go through a drive-thru wedding in Vegas?"

"But you said-"

"Answer!"

"Yes."

"Green," said Une in a tone of insane cheer, "You're so gullible, Zechs!"

"That's because I'm really good," said Relena as she gave Une a high five, "Question five, you think I've lost my virginity?"

"Well, I- Yes..."

"You're silly, Milliardo," she giggled, "Didn't I tell you before that I was saving myself for marriage?"

"What's going on?" said Zechs who felt trapped in a strange alternate reality wherein everyone shared a secret he knew nothing of, "Am I really stuck in a nightmare?"

Heero effortlessly took off the metal ring linking him to his lie detector as Une punched in the pass code which released Zechs from his respective machine.

"You got your just desserts, Zechs," said Une, "I found out that you were the true cause of the computer crash and I knew Heero was itching for revenge so we set this whole thing up."

"What?" he asked in disbelief, "How?"

"Heero, Relena and I teamed up and planned everything. I rigged Heero's machine to always say he was stating the truth."

"So Relena's not pregnant?"

"No, I'm not," replied Relena, "I'm still a virgin and very much unmarried. I'm not into kinky sex either. Don't get me wrong though, I still love Heero."

"But that lusty kiss-"

"We had to practice that," said Heero, "Relena and I aren't sexually promiscuous. Although I can't say I didn't like acting that part out..."

Relena blushed but her face fell upon seeing her brother's face contorted in rage, "Milliardo, don't get angry. Admittedly, you brought this down upon yourself."

"Don't trick me again, Zechs," said Une, "Or you'll be facing something worse than this."

"Nothing could possibly be worse than this."

"I could make a few of Heero's lies come true," said Relena, "That would undoubtedly be worse. Remember, dear brother, I have the most power over you right now. I could hop in a car and drive to Vegas with Heero in a snap. You'd never know what hit you."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would," she said in a threatening voice, "I'm not as meek and innocent as you perceive. Please try to get along with Heero. I love him and I'd hate to lose my virginity just to force you two to tolerate each others' presence."

Zechs sighed, "Fine. But those were all lies, right?"

Une smiled wickedly, "The machine was rigged to always say the person being tested was telling the truth. Only Heero truly knows what lies he told. Some of the things he said could be true."

Zechs turned white with horror as he turned to Heero, "What did you do?"

"I'll tell you one thing, Zechs," he stated with a garish grin, "Your office is a good make-out spot. Don't you think so, Relena?"

Relena beamed mischievously, "I don't really know. If my brother forces my hand, the next time he goes on business, his office is going to be way more than a make-out spot."

Zechs sat there frozen as Heero walked out the door. So this was what Hades looked like... He had certainly met the three-headed dog in the form of Une, Heero and Relena. His soul felt utterly mangled.

Relena bent down and kissed his forehead, "See you, Milliardo."

"Goodbye, Zechs," said Une who, together with Relena, exited the room but not before emitting a horrifying cackle, "I've had my revenge."

Zechs sat there with a blank look in his eyes before rising and running out the door. He hurried home and ran to the bathroom. He struggled to block out the horrifying visions he was having of what had just transpired. The three faces of his torturers lingered in his mind even as he attempted to focus on his own image in the mirror. He rushed to get a grip on his traumatized psyche. Half-delusional, he quickly changed into his sleeping clothes and buried himself in bed.

"This never happened," he repeated to himself again and again as he hid under the covers and forced himself to sleep, "This never happened."

Still, lurid visions of his beloved sister becoming intimate with his sworn enemy swam in his head. With no other recourse, he jumped out of bed, grabbed the telephone and dialed.

"Hello," he said, "I'd like to order a sack of your best quick drying cement. Oh, and do you know any good used car dealers?"

This was the only way he could be at peace...

**The End**

_Cerberus was a dog with three heads, a serpent's tail and several snakes around his neck. He guarded the main entrance to Hades. When a man begins to see snakes and one head looks like three, it's a cinch he's not far from Hell._

_**-From The Foolish Dictionary by Gideon Wurdz**_

**The story behind the sequel:**

Poor Zechs! I hope I haven't utterly ruined him for the fan girls. Anyway, Sailor Earth requested a sequel wherein Heero gets revenge on Zechs so here it is. I don't like to disappoint. This is much longer than Lie Detector which I considered my longest one-shot. Quite easily, this is the longest thing I've ever written in one go and it took me only two days. Funnily enough, I think this is the darkest, most depraved humor I've ever used and I think some of the characters are out of character and more profane than they should be. Kind of strange, since I'm a sixteen year old Catholic virgin attending an exclusive school for girls run by nuns. I guess Gundam Wing fan fiction brings out the dark side in some people. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I wrote this right after I threw a bitch fit at my math tutor. I despise math... So, as you've noticed, the ending seems to hang a bit. I'll leave it up to your imagination what Zechs intends to do. Share any good ideas you have with me. I might write another sequel and maybe turn this into a Lie Detector trilogy. Maybe not... It's all up to you. All suggestions are welcome. Give me title suggestions too if you have ideas for another sequel, ok? Also, if you'd like to personally chat with me, visit http/ sign-up and send me a private message. My username is Colonel Lady Une and one of my reviewers, namely, Many Voices In My Head, met me there. I have an excellent Gundam Wing discussion thread and I'd love to chat with other fans. I'll send you the URL once you send me a private message. I guess that's all. Please review!

**Dedication:**

Oh, almost forgot! This is dedicated to Many Voices In My Head or, as I know her on Gaia, Oreasa. I promise I'll finish Benevolent Hearts!


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